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Can't sleep.
Ok, so I know this isn't really heping. Two minutes ago, I was lying in bed, tossing and turning, desperately begging my mind to quiet itself but no luck there. I usually sleep to music and yet the Lumineers seem to play through the album faster than normal. And soon enough, it's over and I have to restart it.
I can't sleep.
I turn on different music. I get on my laptop. Yes, yes I know that electronic screens tell the body to create a hormone that keeps you awake. I know this isn't helping.
So what is it exactly that's occupying my mind?
That's a funny story...
Let me reintroduce you to the characters: There's S, the cute, but manwhoreish friend with benefit; and Mr Wit, the sexy, brainy one. This story starts with Mr. Wit. If you hadn't noticed from my first post about Mr. Wit, I've got real feelings for him. What I didn't tell you about, is the fact that I wasn't/am not 100% sure of the fact that he is even available. I'm going to have to rewind to a couple of weeks ago.
Many members of our department left to go to a competition for a whole week -- Mr. Wit included. I kept my distance while he was away. I still wasn't quite sure if this was a good idea and well, the risk was daunting. And I knew he'd be coming back in a week so I let it be. And boy did I miss him. He returned and I was over the moon. It was good to have him back and in my own spastic way, I told him I missed him.
Cute, I know. But here's where it gets kind of college-girl slutty. During the week he was gone, S -- who hadn't gone to the competition -- and I were planning to hang out. The implication of hang out? Most likely drink and hook up. I almost shudder a little bit thinking about that. Have your fun. Seriously. I have mine, believe me, but I'm starting to reevaluate how fun that really is. But back to the story, S and I didn't end up hanging out, which was probably for the best.
To continue this story, we need a little background on Mr. Wit. Mr. Wit -- or so I've heard -- is a bit of a player, which I never would've guessed when I first met him (and really even now that I'm getting to know him). He has had this friend with benefit, kind of like what S is to me, for quite some time now. I was talking to a friend that Thursday and this friend revealed to me that Mr. Wit and his friend with benefit were... benefiting again and that it would potentially turn into more than friends with benefits. So with this information, I did something terribly immature.
Later that night, S sent me a text message asking me to come over. This was after 10:30 and we all know that that means booty call. I knew exactly what I was getting into but I went anyways and to be honest, I think a lot of the reason was the fact that it was starting to settle in that I couldn't have Mr. Wit. So I spent the night at S' house.
It feels good to be wanted. So I did just that. I let myself be wanted even if it wasn't for the right reasons.
With S in the game and Mr. Wit out, I was sure that I knew what I was doing.
But just you wait. About a week later (last night), Mr. Wit had a birthday and so I sent him a quick text message just to with him a happy birthday. We ended up talking till 5 in the morning and made plans to see each other the next day. We met up for coffee, talked, and had a really nice afternoon together. What surprised me the most was that I had a text message from him this evening, checking up on me and how rehearsal went.
So is Mr. Wit really back in the game? It certainly feels like it.
But we'll just wait and see. For now, I'm willing to ride out the madness mainly because dear LORD does he give me butterflies. It feels like the minute you're ready to say goodbye he pulled me right back in. I'm not quite sure what's going on between him and his friend with benefit but I'm willing to wait and see. More on that later. "
And what does this mean for S? Honestly, I'm not sure. All I know is, if things continue to go as well as they are with Mr. Wit, I will no longer want to benefit with S.
For now,
-- J
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