love: men and candy

Photo Credit: weheartit.com

(March 31)

As I sit here and stuff my face with Sour Patch kids, I realized something. Men are like candy You reach into the box and take three more pieces, promising yourself that this is it and there is absolutely no more. You declare it proudly before you realize that two minutes later, you're reaching for more. "Just three more!" you say to yourself. Ugh! It's infuriating! And before you know it, the box is empty and you're left feeling like shit about yourself.

Brings a whole new meaning to the word man candy, am I right? I guess you could say that Mr. Wit is my "man-candy".

Sticking with our candy analogy, I couldn't help but see the similarities. Sugar. You crave it. You finish the box/pack/whatever and you feel satisfied. Then comes the sugar high. It's a drug. It gets you so high only to pull you back down in just under an hour.

Men. You crave them. You consume. You're satisfied. And yes. There's that love/lust/like high too. They get you so high only to pull you back down again -- only it usually takes them longer than an hour.

See what I mean?

And right now, Mr. Wit's got me so high it's not even funny.

Why you ask?

Remember that breakfast date I told you about? Well, he and I finally had it. And by date, I mean how we agreed to cook breakfast together sometime.

I went over around ten in the morning and I'm not going to lie. I was nervous as hell. Not only was he there, but it was a new environment and I always feel uncomfortable at first because you never know what's okay and what's not. Can I take my shoes off? Are you sure I can sit on the counter? Etc.

But I soon eased into the atmosphere, realizing I had no real reason to be nervous. His Pandora station was set on a classic rock station (Yes!) and we began to cook around each other and just talk -- like two partners in crime in the kitchen. Hah! I made crepes and he made these incredible breakfast tacos. I'm telling you. It was the poblano chile peppers. And really. Come on, ladies (and gentlemen). A guy who can cook? Very sexy. Good music. Good food. Good guy.

Another Sunday morning well spent, yes?

By the time we were done, we sat down at the table to breakfast tacos and crepes. I had brough Nutella and Speculoos as well as some fresh fruit to put into the crepes and we had a lovely morning together of laughing, joking around, stolen glances, and talking. And we'd even do this thing when it'd get quiet where we'd just look at each other, exchanging glances and a small smile with each other.

The more time I spend with him the more and more I really like him. At first attraction it was his focus, passion, drive, and intelligence that drew me to him but now I'm seeing a whole new side to him. The wit between us becomes playful and jokingly teasing. He's sweet, goofy, and fun to be around and I feel like I can really be myself wit him. I'm starting to let him in too which is terrifying but exciting all at the same time. I find myself sharing things with him from my peronsal life only find that I want him to know.

And he makes me laugh which is also incredibly sexy.

When I left, he gave me this long, tight hug which threw me off a little bit. The whole time, I thought maybe he'd bring up what was going on between us or maybe even try to kiss me, but there was nothing. So when I left, I waited for the back pat but instead found myself in a long embrace, shocking me.

I better figure out what he and I are doing, quick, because from what it sounds like, I'm going to fall hard for Mr. Wit.

A good friend of mine, Zitro, and I were talking later that evening and he was singing the blues again about his girl. As I texted him back my best pep talk speech, I accidentally wrote "fell" instead of "feel" and now I'm starting to think that it may have not have been a coincidence.

My little type really caused me to think: Isn't that how it is? The more we feel, the more fall; the more we fall, the more we feel. Zitro's already six feet under for his girl and I'm starting to feel the cliff beneath my feet crumble into several pieces. How long till I lose my grip?

I don't even want to go there...

One more post until I'm finally caught up and yes, I WILL be updating this Sunday.

-- J

love: a morning well spent

Photo Credit: The Single Girl in Love

 

(March 24)

The reason I'm putting dates up at the top is because these were supposed to be published on said date but due to my insanely busy schedule, they were unfinished blog posts begging to be written. But I'm getting to them now and that is what's important! Onto the finer things...

 

I know it's a little bit grey and muggy out, but it really was a morning well spent. Can you believe that that's on my college's campus? It's gorgeous, I know. Perhaps I'll have to take another picture of it on a sunny day. Anyways, there's a river across from my school with this little dock that I like to go to, specifically on Sunday mornings.

Why Sunday mornings, you ask?

In a college town like mine, by Sunday morning, no one's up before noon and everyone's still hungover from the night before, leaving me to sit alone by the water and just listen. And this morning I had a lot on my mind...

Classes have started again and we're back from Spring Break. I honestly wondered how Mr. Wit and I would exist outside of spring break and it's been interesting. He and I are both very busy people and we both knew school would kick us in the assess the minute we got back. Would we have time? When would we see each other? Would we still hang out. It sounds pretty petty and small but at the moment, he and I have barely scratched the surface of spending time together.

Allow me to rewind a little bit, seeing as I never really gave much detail into Mr. Wit coming back into the picture. It's a little creepy because I was watching an episode of Sex and the City and there was a scene between Carrie and Big that made me stop and realize: "Oh my God. This is what we sound like." He's witty, indicated by his pseudonym and he and I go back and forth with our words.

Oh yes. And it's really hot...

On Saturday, the day after Mr. Wit's brithday, he and I met up for some coffee. This was decided that morning around 3:30-4 as we texted through his birthday get together. If that doesn't show like, I don't know what does. Four hours? Through his birthday party? I can't be making this all up in my head, right?

We met up and had a nice time just talking and drinking our coffee. We laugh a lot together and I love that he makes me laugh like that. He pushes my buttons in the best way possible and I think I push him too. Not in a rude way, but we tease each other and challenge each other a little bit, intellectually. Afterwards, he drove me to my rehearsal and we went our separate ways.

That night, though, he texted me to ask how rehearsal was and we talked for a little while longer until I fell asleep. We've been texting all day long. We're not talking anymore because his dad's in town which I completely understand but we've kept in constant contact which has been a little bit a surprise to me. The following was a little odd though. We'd text all day long and then go a day without.

Something that Mr. Wit and I have a problem with is that we dance around certain things. We both are good with words that I think we both know how to prolong cutting to the chase. For what reason? For me, I'm just a chicken. What happened was that it got brought up that the both of us love to cook and we danced around the idea of us cooking together sometime until we were saying goodbye and he said to me: "When you're not busy, you'll have to come over and I'll have to make you breakfast tacos sometime." And I simply smiled at him and said: "And waffles. We can't forget the waffles."

So this week's on and off communication threw me off a little bit. We're still getting to know each other and cooking together doesn't seem like a "Just Friends" kind of thing to do. All weekend we were kind of out of touch which irked me a little. So that's what's been on my mind lately. And I know he's been spending with his friend that occassionally benefits which makes me nervous too. He keeps referring to her as his friend and I feel like if they were something more than he'd let me know.

Breakfast this weekend didn't work out so perhaps next weekend? Who knows? I'm curious as to see if we'll keep it up. I mean, texting all week long? It's a little exhausting!!! And by a little, I mean a lot -- especially coming from a girl who hates texting. Remember Mr. Too Available? Yeahhhh.... I hate texting but I don't hate texting Mr. Wit which is a big surprise... because I really do hate texting. It's stressful and annoying and communication can be misconstrued very easily.

I feel like I'm stuck in this grey area of "I don't know" because in reality, I really don't. Mr. Wit and I have been in constant contact and have hung out a total of one time. Yes, things are flirty, but what are we doing? I know what I want but I'm not sure what he wants and I'm not sure where this is going. Is it just friendly or more? It certainly feels like more but then again, I don't really know! I could be reading it all wrong!

All I do know is I really like spending time with him and I'm really enjoying getting to know him and the more I get to know him the more I like him.

With love,

-- J

love: the battle of S and Mr. Wit

Photo Credit: weheartit.com

 

(March 17)

Can't sleep.

Ok, so I know this isn't really heping. Two minutes ago, I was lying in bed, tossing and turning, desperately begging my mind to quiet itself but no luck there. I usually sleep to music and yet the Lumineers seem to play through the album faster than normal. And soon enough, it's over and I have to restart it.

I can't sleep.

I turn on different music. I get on my laptop. Yes, yes I know that electronic screens tell the body to create a hormone that keeps you awake. I know this isn't helping.

So what is it exactly that's occupying my mind?

That's a funny story...

Let me reintroduce you to the characters: There's S, the cute, but manwhoreish friend with benefit; and Mr Wit, the sexy, brainy one. This story starts with Mr. Wit. If you hadn't noticed from my first post about Mr. Wit, I've got real feelings for him. What I didn't tell you about, is the fact that I wasn't/am not 100% sure of the fact that he is even available. I'm going to have to rewind to a couple of weeks ago.

Many members of our department left to go to a competition for a whole week -- Mr. Wit included. I kept my distance while he was away. I still wasn't quite sure if this was a good idea and well, the risk was daunting. And I knew he'd be coming back in a week so I let it be. And boy did I miss him. He returned and I was over the moon. It was good to have him back and in my own spastic way, I told him I missed him.

Cute, I know. But here's where it gets kind of college-girl slutty. During the week he was gone, S -- who hadn't gone to the competition -- and I were planning to hang out. The implication of hang out? Most likely drink and hook up. I almost shudder a little bit thinking about that. Have your fun. Seriously. I have mine, believe me, but I'm starting to reevaluate how fun that really is. But back to the story, S and I didn't end up hanging out, which was probably for the best.

To continue this story, we need a little background on Mr. Wit. Mr. Wit -- or so I've heard -- is a bit of a player, which I never would've guessed when I first met him (and really even now that I'm getting to know him). He has had this friend with benefit, kind of like what S is to me, for quite some time now. I was talking to a friend that Thursday and this friend revealed to me that Mr. Wit and his friend with benefit were... benefiting again and that it would potentially turn into more than friends with benefits. So with this information, I did something terribly immature.

Later that night, S sent me a text message asking me to come over. This was after 10:30 and we all know that that means booty call. I knew exactly what I was getting into but I went anyways and to be honest, I think a lot of the reason was the fact that it was starting to settle in that I couldn't have Mr. Wit. So I spent the night at S' house.

It feels good to be wanted. So I did just that. I let myself be wanted even if it wasn't for the right reasons.

With S in the game and Mr. Wit out, I was sure that I knew what I was doing.

But just you wait. About a week later (last night), Mr. Wit had a birthday and so I sent him a quick text message just to with him a happy birthday. We ended up talking till 5 in the morning and made plans to see each other the next day. We met up for coffee, talked, and had a really nice afternoon together. What surprised me the most was that I had a text message from him this evening, checking up on me and how rehearsal went.

So is Mr. Wit really back in the game? It certainly feels like it.

But we'll just wait and see. For now, I'm willing to ride out the madness mainly because dear LORD does he give me butterflies. It feels like the minute you're ready to say goodbye he pulled me right back in. I'm not quite sure what's going on between him and his friend with benefit but I'm willing to wait and see. More on that later. "

And what does this mean for S? Honestly, I'm not sure. All I know is, if things continue to go as well as they are with Mr. Wit, I will no longer want to benefit with S.

For now,

-- J