love: a morning well spent

Photo Credit: The Single Girl in Love

 

(March 24)

The reason I'm putting dates up at the top is because these were supposed to be published on said date but due to my insanely busy schedule, they were unfinished blog posts begging to be written. But I'm getting to them now and that is what's important! Onto the finer things...

 

I know it's a little bit grey and muggy out, but it really was a morning well spent. Can you believe that that's on my college's campus? It's gorgeous, I know. Perhaps I'll have to take another picture of it on a sunny day. Anyways, there's a river across from my school with this little dock that I like to go to, specifically on Sunday mornings.

Why Sunday mornings, you ask?

In a college town like mine, by Sunday morning, no one's up before noon and everyone's still hungover from the night before, leaving me to sit alone by the water and just listen. And this morning I had a lot on my mind...

Classes have started again and we're back from Spring Break. I honestly wondered how Mr. Wit and I would exist outside of spring break and it's been interesting. He and I are both very busy people and we both knew school would kick us in the assess the minute we got back. Would we have time? When would we see each other? Would we still hang out. It sounds pretty petty and small but at the moment, he and I have barely scratched the surface of spending time together.

Allow me to rewind a little bit, seeing as I never really gave much detail into Mr. Wit coming back into the picture. It's a little creepy because I was watching an episode of Sex and the City and there was a scene between Carrie and Big that made me stop and realize: "Oh my God. This is what we sound like." He's witty, indicated by his pseudonym and he and I go back and forth with our words.

Oh yes. And it's really hot...

On Saturday, the day after Mr. Wit's brithday, he and I met up for some coffee. This was decided that morning around 3:30-4 as we texted through his birthday get together. If that doesn't show like, I don't know what does. Four hours? Through his birthday party? I can't be making this all up in my head, right?

We met up and had a nice time just talking and drinking our coffee. We laugh a lot together and I love that he makes me laugh like that. He pushes my buttons in the best way possible and I think I push him too. Not in a rude way, but we tease each other and challenge each other a little bit, intellectually. Afterwards, he drove me to my rehearsal and we went our separate ways.

That night, though, he texted me to ask how rehearsal was and we talked for a little while longer until I fell asleep. We've been texting all day long. We're not talking anymore because his dad's in town which I completely understand but we've kept in constant contact which has been a little bit a surprise to me. The following was a little odd though. We'd text all day long and then go a day without.

Something that Mr. Wit and I have a problem with is that we dance around certain things. We both are good with words that I think we both know how to prolong cutting to the chase. For what reason? For me, I'm just a chicken. What happened was that it got brought up that the both of us love to cook and we danced around the idea of us cooking together sometime until we were saying goodbye and he said to me: "When you're not busy, you'll have to come over and I'll have to make you breakfast tacos sometime." And I simply smiled at him and said: "And waffles. We can't forget the waffles."

So this week's on and off communication threw me off a little bit. We're still getting to know each other and cooking together doesn't seem like a "Just Friends" kind of thing to do. All weekend we were kind of out of touch which irked me a little. So that's what's been on my mind lately. And I know he's been spending with his friend that occassionally benefits which makes me nervous too. He keeps referring to her as his friend and I feel like if they were something more than he'd let me know.

Breakfast this weekend didn't work out so perhaps next weekend? Who knows? I'm curious as to see if we'll keep it up. I mean, texting all week long? It's a little exhausting!!! And by a little, I mean a lot -- especially coming from a girl who hates texting. Remember Mr. Too Available? Yeahhhh.... I hate texting but I don't hate texting Mr. Wit which is a big surprise... because I really do hate texting. It's stressful and annoying and communication can be misconstrued very easily.

I feel like I'm stuck in this grey area of "I don't know" because in reality, I really don't. Mr. Wit and I have been in constant contact and have hung out a total of one time. Yes, things are flirty, but what are we doing? I know what I want but I'm not sure what he wants and I'm not sure where this is going. Is it just friendly or more? It certainly feels like more but then again, I don't really know! I could be reading it all wrong!

All I do know is I really like spending time with him and I'm really enjoying getting to know him and the more I get to know him the more I like him.

With love,

-- J

love: the battle of S and Mr. Wit

Photo Credit: weheartit.com

 

(March 17)

Can't sleep.

Ok, so I know this isn't really heping. Two minutes ago, I was lying in bed, tossing and turning, desperately begging my mind to quiet itself but no luck there. I usually sleep to music and yet the Lumineers seem to play through the album faster than normal. And soon enough, it's over and I have to restart it.

I can't sleep.

I turn on different music. I get on my laptop. Yes, yes I know that electronic screens tell the body to create a hormone that keeps you awake. I know this isn't helping.

So what is it exactly that's occupying my mind?

That's a funny story...

Let me reintroduce you to the characters: There's S, the cute, but manwhoreish friend with benefit; and Mr Wit, the sexy, brainy one. This story starts with Mr. Wit. If you hadn't noticed from my first post about Mr. Wit, I've got real feelings for him. What I didn't tell you about, is the fact that I wasn't/am not 100% sure of the fact that he is even available. I'm going to have to rewind to a couple of weeks ago.

Many members of our department left to go to a competition for a whole week -- Mr. Wit included. I kept my distance while he was away. I still wasn't quite sure if this was a good idea and well, the risk was daunting. And I knew he'd be coming back in a week so I let it be. And boy did I miss him. He returned and I was over the moon. It was good to have him back and in my own spastic way, I told him I missed him.

Cute, I know. But here's where it gets kind of college-girl slutty. During the week he was gone, S -- who hadn't gone to the competition -- and I were planning to hang out. The implication of hang out? Most likely drink and hook up. I almost shudder a little bit thinking about that. Have your fun. Seriously. I have mine, believe me, but I'm starting to reevaluate how fun that really is. But back to the story, S and I didn't end up hanging out, which was probably for the best.

To continue this story, we need a little background on Mr. Wit. Mr. Wit -- or so I've heard -- is a bit of a player, which I never would've guessed when I first met him (and really even now that I'm getting to know him). He has had this friend with benefit, kind of like what S is to me, for quite some time now. I was talking to a friend that Thursday and this friend revealed to me that Mr. Wit and his friend with benefit were... benefiting again and that it would potentially turn into more than friends with benefits. So with this information, I did something terribly immature.

Later that night, S sent me a text message asking me to come over. This was after 10:30 and we all know that that means booty call. I knew exactly what I was getting into but I went anyways and to be honest, I think a lot of the reason was the fact that it was starting to settle in that I couldn't have Mr. Wit. So I spent the night at S' house.

It feels good to be wanted. So I did just that. I let myself be wanted even if it wasn't for the right reasons.

With S in the game and Mr. Wit out, I was sure that I knew what I was doing.

But just you wait. About a week later (last night), Mr. Wit had a birthday and so I sent him a quick text message just to with him a happy birthday. We ended up talking till 5 in the morning and made plans to see each other the next day. We met up for coffee, talked, and had a really nice afternoon together. What surprised me the most was that I had a text message from him this evening, checking up on me and how rehearsal went.

So is Mr. Wit really back in the game? It certainly feels like it.

But we'll just wait and see. For now, I'm willing to ride out the madness mainly because dear LORD does he give me butterflies. It feels like the minute you're ready to say goodbye he pulled me right back in. I'm not quite sure what's going on between him and his friend with benefit but I'm willing to wait and see. More on that later. "

And what does this mean for S? Honestly, I'm not sure. All I know is, if things continue to go as well as they are with Mr. Wit, I will no longer want to benefit with S.

For now,

-- J

love: what happened to BFFs? a study on FWBs

Photo Credit: cwtv.com

 

I haven't been too badly with posting! Here's my new plan: Post once a week on a Sunday! Sounds like a pretty good goal so far, right? Let's hope that I can stick to it. Being a college kid is just so darn time consuming! It is also possible that I may post more than once in a week, depending on how desperate I get to vent.

But, moving on! Whoever said that this was a man's world had no idea how easy it is to be a girl. It really hadn't hit me until now, but my college days have opened my eyes to the mystical powers that us women know (or don't know -- in my case) we possess. Seriously. We only went to a few frat parties at the beginning of the year and it just never ceases to amaze me how penis-driven those boys are. If you showed up uninvited with five girls, you were golden.

And in our academic apartment, we have our own frat boys.

For anonymity, we'll just call him S. S and I have been good friends for a while and have hooked up on occassion. S is quite the catch: he's cute, he's fun, we have fun together, and he's sweet. The only thing wrong with him is the his best friend who is always on the prowl. Seriously. It's a little disgusting -- and by a little, I mean a lot. And unfortunately, S really admires this best friend, eagerly mimicking his manwhore-ish ways.

So this semester, S and I danced/drank/kissed the night away before parting separate ways and ever since then, things have been a lot more flirty than normal. Again, I would really consider him if he weren't flirting with a different girl every time I saw him. I feel like it's a lot different when you flirt with someone just to flirt and flirting with someone you know and care about. With S there's a missed connection when it comes to all the emotions.

This past weekend, S and I were at a party and he was flirting left and right with different girls. I, on the other hand, was less than pleased and did my own thing. That is until he roped me into his arms for a dance.

Yes, I know that right now you're thinking: "Don't do it! It's a trap."

It is indeed.

At this point, I'm thinking: "I'm not just a body and this can't just be out of convenience." So I played the "do you want me?" game with him.

Yes, ladies. We're all guilty of it.

I said to him as we danced together, "So what about that girl you've been talking to all night? Are you going to go for it?" Out of my periphery, I could see the two girls grouped together -- one of them being the one he had been flirting with all night -- dancing around him and laughing exceptionally loud to see if he would notice. He responded to me, holding me close, "I'm just flirting." And right back at him, "Are you sure I'm not stepping on your game? It doesn't have to be me. I don't have to be here right now."

And he smiled and told me, "I'm sure."

Oh, S...

And with a little more poking and prodding, I was satisfied with his answer. I think he got off on the fact that I was a little jealous too. I guess it was a win-win situation.

The only thing about S that I fear is that our attraction is purely chemical. Sure, we have fun on a daily basis but it's always flirtatious. It seems like that's all he wants from me sometimes. And that's okay, when it comes to S. I think maybe I could have feelings for him but I really just don't know. Friends with benefits, for now? Okay.

The next morning, I couldn't help but wonder about this whole friends with benefits thing. We see it all over the media: movies like Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached, that whole Felix and Brooke storyline on One Tree Hill-- it's a little impossible to escape. And something I've noticed is that a lot of college relationships are reduced to "just messing around" "undefined" and "I don't know what this is." Now, I'm not condemning friends with benefits. Seeing from my little anecdotes above, I'm all for it. But actually having a friend with benefit begs the question: does this really work?

What happens when emotions get involved? Someone always get hurt. I mean, isn't that the whole story arc that they use in the media anyways?

For men, I'm not quite sure what friends with benefits for them is like. Doesn't society tell us to believe that it's every man's dream? I know a few that don't feel that way (more to come in a few paragraphs). For women, I know that after sex, our bodies release a hormone that makes us attach to our partner. So how does that come into play with the friend-with-benefit thing? Can we stay attached as just friends? (I am genuinely curious about this one).

With S, I have no idea where this could lead. I could fall for him. He could fall for me. We could both fall together. Or one of us could realize it wasn't going to work. Regardless, at present, neither of us have real feelings for each other. They could be there... just not now and I am perfectly content with that. I know he is too.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, my friend DM is currently in one of these undefined college relationships. He wants to define things but she does not. It's obvious that DM is emotionally invested in this girl but still, she does not want to put a label on it. He feels like they're doing more than just messing around.

I'm afraid that DM's going to get his heartbroken. I honestly don't know if she'll ever be ready for a relationship. Who knows?

So with two contrasting stories, maybe it's a case by case thing. Maybe you can be friends with benefits depending on who you are.

Another thing that popped into my mind is that generalization that those in a friends with benefits relationship are "scary and damaged". Not all of us, but I think a lot of us are. For me, I don't have a lot of free time. I don't necessarily want a relationship unless it is the right person.

That or call me a picky committment-a-phobe. I've accepted it.

But then again, I may change my mind and I guess this is what this blog is for: my thoughts on love, venting, and documenting the stupid mistakes I make in college.

All I know is for now, I am perfectly fine with only being friends with benefits with S.

Ahh... someday I'll look back on this and have a good laugh.

This is it for now,

-- J

love: "they sing a song only you can hear"

Photo Credit: Pinterest

"You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear." -- Oscar Wilde

Smart man, that one. We're two birds of a feather; two peas in a pod; and of course, Aristotle's "a single soul inhabiting two bodies."

Sometimes you just recognize something in someone; that thing that hits you and turns you upside down and inside out.

Miss Carrie Bradshaw summed it up all too well in the very first episode of Sex and the City. Via voice over, she realizes when meeting Big: "Suddenly I felt the wind knocked out of me. I wanted to crawl under the covers and go right to sleep" all while sexy jazz music plays on in the background. The windows of Mr. Big's car are scattered with drops of rain as they ride through the city together. We all know that Sex and the City can be such a charicature of dating (along with the women and men) but there's so much truth to it as well. And beautiful story to tell, in addition!

Let me introduce you to Mr. Wit** who is slowly but surely creeping into John James Preston (Mr. Big) territory. We met because we work together. We had never worked together but knew of each other and had met on occasion.

You know when you meet someone, and there's just that spark? You know you've let an impression on them and whether you know it or not, they've left an impression on you.

Second semester starts up and finally, Mr. Wit and I's professional paths begin to cross. We begin to work together and I'm terribly intimidated. I didn't know what to expect and the kind of work he creates is beautiful. What if I didn't meet his expectations? What if I just sucked?! But it opened my eyes to this collaborative creative process that left me feeling whole.

So his work makes me feel artistically fulfilled. Okay. Cool. But seriously, J? Where does the romance come in?

Cue flirtation.

It all started as we began to get to know each other a little better outside of our work. It started with a: "You look really nice today" here and there which I never thought of much until he went out of his way to say something once. At this point I'm thinking: "Hm.. This is getting a little more frequent than normal... and he's going out of his way. Is there... an attraction here?"

It caught me off guard. I felt like I was going crazy. I mean... I had to be making this all up in my head, right? So I consulted who knew him really well and she only confirmed my suspicions. She said that he was a really flirty guy but that it was selective -- highly selective. At that moment, I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it, but I knew there was an attraction on his part there. On my part? I wasn't too sure yet but I knew I was feeling something.

The next day I would be seeing him for another project that he asked me to work on with him. We met with the rest of our fellow team members and as we were going over the prelimnary things, I couldn't help but notice that my heart was racing just a little bit more than usual. He was so in his element and his work that he shared with us -- what he wanted us to be a part of -- was breathtaking. I watched as he worked and was captivated by his passion for it. In addition, he has a brain... which I'm starting to learn is pretty hard to come by.

Intelligence is sexy. Seriously.

And then it hit me. Even though I hadn't noticed it, I was extremely attracted to Mr. Wit. I felt my heart beating in my chest and like I wanted to just haul off and kiss him.

Of course, I didn't.

Not only was his art beautiful, but I felt like we got each other. We ran on the same frequency and that was appealing. He lent me books which was incredibly sexy, in my opinion. Just sayin'! Once I realized my attraction, I attempted to deny my feelings for him. "It's just an attraction!" I defended myself. But I knew it wasn't and it was soon revealed to me that my friends knew it wasn't either.

I was in so deep and there was no turning back. Normally, when I like someone, it's never really for the right reasons. A lot of the time, the initial attraction stems from a physical attraction. Mr. Wit hooked me with his brain, his creativity, and his sense of humor. The sexual attraction was all there, but wasn't at all what I noticed until... well, until I realized I had feelings for him.

And this makes it harder to get over.

But why give up something like that?

I'll be frank. I'm falling for his soul. He's a good looking guy, but that's not what I'm attracted to. He's smart and fun to flirt with. He makes me laugh -- I think we could sit for hours and just laugh together. He's kind and has an amazing heart. He gets me -- and that is invaluable. I connect with him on an emotional, spiritual, physical, and artistc level. That's pretty fucking hard to come by, especially nowadays, if you ask me!

I feel like Mr, Wit is going to be the death of me. I can feel myself diving in head first. I get butterflies every time I see him. I've found myself going out of my way or going to class a little extra early just because I know that I'll run into him.

Yeah, I know. I've got it bad.

But the way he makes me feel? There's nothing better than this.

Your head over heels pal,

J

** Note: Name change. Mr. Wit used to be nicknamed The Artist but there I changed the name because the more I get to know him, the more Mr. Wit suits him.

love: is being too available a turn off?

 

Photo Credit: weheartit.com

 

Right on schedule! It is Sunday, and I'm posting on this blog. Let's all hope and pray and cross fingers (and toes, arms, legs, whatever else an be crossed, etc.) that I stick to this.

 

So this begins part one of the whirlwind tornado that has been my love life as of second semester.

This story starts off similarly to the other "connections" I've made at parties but ends very differently. I know what you're thinking: This girl really needs to start making sober connections. Yes, yes, I know all this. This realization has hit me but more on that in future posts, I promise! But back to the story. It went a little like this:

Boy meets girl. Girl flirts with boy. Boy and girl kiss. Boy asks for girls number. Girl doesn't realy think she has any feelings for boy the next day. Boy texts girl constantly. Girl hates texting and starts to dislike boy. Girl explains she does not want a relationship. Boy respects this but still keeps texting girl. Girl is over it.

 

Very, very over it. Sick of it. We can conclude that I'm not any more of a fan of texting after that.

 

For the purposes of anonymity, we'll call him Mr. Too Available. When I met Mr. Too Available, I thought he was nice. I mean, he was cute and seemed like an interesting guy. Part of me now wonders whether I thought he was interested or just interested in me. It sounds like a shallow thing, but to be brutally honest, we all like attention from the opposite sex. There's no denying that. I mean, really... please feel free to disagree with me but I don't think I'm just talking about me here.

The morning after we kissed, Mr. Too Available was texting me throughout the day... and the next day... and the next. I could feel a burning in my stomach and a feeling as if I wanted to push him farther and farther away from me. We had known each other for maybe two days and he was already asking me out to dinner. I didn't even know the guy!

A friend said to me, "But that's what dates are for! To get to know him." I simply said to him, "Yeah, but dinner? That seems a little too serious way too soon." I texted Mr. Too Available back and told him that I was busy that night but we should grab coffee at some point instead.

To be honest, the coffee date never happened. After ignoring one of his texts and no contact for two days, he sent me a long message explaining that he completely understood that he was busy and was willing wait for me to make time for him. This made me slam on the breaks even harder. "Willing to wait?" I mean... we've known each other for less than a week. It was just all too fast! I barely knew the guy and he spoke like a candidate on the Bachelorette or something. It was just... cheesy. I diplomatically replied that I wasn't in a place for a relationship and if we did hang out, it should be only as friends.

 

And the thing is, at the time, I wasn't. I have a lot on my plate right now and making time and room for someone new was not on my agenda. It just felt like he was taking a pillar and ramming it over and over into the precious walls I've spent years building up. It didn't feel like he was courting me; it felt like an invasion.

Now I sound like some dysfuntional single woman, and yes, I've accepted that I am.

 

On top of that, I had heard from a lot of people that know him well that he wasn't necessarily a nice guy and treats women like shit, but that wasn't what made me so skittish about him.

But with all of the Mr. Too Available drama, it made me start to think about how we relate to men. We reject them if they're too unavailable but when they're too available, the outcome is the same. Is availability a turn off? With Mr. Too Available, I felt like he was chasing after me when I hadn't even started running (until I really did start running). It was too... forceful. But I guess I've always been a fan of the long courting of the good friend turned lover type. Is it wrong to want to get to know a guy without the pressure and expectation that things will become romantic?

 

If I had agreed to get to know Mr. Too Available, I feel like there would've been an expectation that it would turn into more from the beginning, at least on his part. I didn't want myself or him, for that matter, through that -- discomfort on my point and most likely disappointment on his.

So if men are too available and too unavailable and we still don't want them, what is "just right"?

 

I think another reason I couldn't dig Mr. Too Available was because, and I'll be honest. I do love a good chase.

 

My name is J, and I am a dysfuntional single woman.

Oh dear, lord...

 

-- J



coffee date

Photo Credit: Pinterest

If we were on a coffee date, I'd apologize a bajillion times about how shitty I've been about posting lately... as in like... for the past few months. Yes, yes, I know. But my interest in blogging has re-sparked. Ok, I'm not actually sure if that's a real word but hey, we're going to roll with it! I guess I just remembered why I wanted to start this blog in the first place. I'm not going to lie. It's a little daunting -- starting a blog. You don't know if anyone's going to read it or anyone's going to care. Is it a good idea?

Fuck it.

That's what I say. And I'd share this philosophy with you on this ideal coffee date. I want to have something to look back on: life, love, food, music. And when I first began this blog, I wanted to limit this blog and categorize it into a love blog but now I'm starting to see that it has potential to be so much more than that -- almost like an online diary. I mean, isn't that what people use blogs for these days?

In addition, let me redefine "love": In like love with boys, with life, fashion, with art, with what I'm doing, how I'm running my life, with no apologies.So many things in this life mindfuck me and make me fall in love with them; not just romantic love.

So here's the the single girl in love 2.0. I'm in it for real this time (Or so I say. Finger crossed. Knock on wood! Whatever other cliches there are out there).

Goals:

1. To post EVERY Sunday. It gives me a week to work on a post, right? That's one post per week and once I start meeting one post per week then maybe we'll up the posting.
2. Recipe posts! I've got some great recipes coming ranging from dorm life to recipes requiring an oven and a stove. As much as we love that darn microwave, it's nice to have a meal from scratch.
3. Love what I do. Find my voice. Enjoy the words. Speak from the heart.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd tell you that second semester was going well and it is enormously different than first. It's been a lot more work than I'd ever thought it could be and sometimes I feel like I can't catch my breath. In those moments of stress and tearing my hair out, I remind myself to take a deep breath and remind myself why I'm doing what I do. Why put myself through all the stress?

Because I love it. Plain and simple.

If I were on this imaginary coffee date, I'd then tell you that my romantic life has been a little crazy lately. Oh the stories I have to tell. I'd tell you the stories in turn with your story but for now, these stories are for another post(s).

I'm really looking forward to getting back into this blog. I think it's an outlet that is very much needed and I'm hoping to connect with at least one person through this blog. I've been inspired by a lot of blogs -- specifically lifestyle and sewing blogs -- and would love to do that for someone else.

Until we meet again,

-- J

love: fall-ing.

courtesy of weheartit.com

 

It's that time of the year – no, I’m not talking about Christmas; not that time of the year. The leaves start to change and the chilly weather begins to trickle in bit by bit. The cardigans and heavier sweaters are brought out, every single store is selling some kind of pumpkin spice latte whatevers, and Halloween is on every mind.  

It's all starting to hit me that this whole college thing is real; I'm here for the next four years and no matter how much it seems like it, it's not summer camp. While some friendships become stronger, others start to weaken as we begin to find out more and more about the kind of person they are. Friends start to couple up, everyone's settling into a rhythm, and everything begins to seem more permanent.

That's right, folks. Fall is officially here.

I know, I know. I have a Romanticist's point of view of Fall, but can you blame a girl if she wants to sit on a bench in Central Park while a rich, golden orange colored leaves fall around her as "Autumn in New York" plays in the background? What can I say? I love a good Louis/Ella duet.

There’s always this feeling of nostalgia and ending when Fall comes. On second thought, I take that back. The arrival of Fall signifies and ending and a new beginning. We say goodbye to those glorious, hot, careless summer days, and invite that sometimes cold, sometimes breezy Fall weather in along with that warm, fuzzy feeling that makes you just want to curl up with a boy and a good sweater.

I don’t know about you guys, but Fall is always on top of bringing me these two things.

On top of that, Fall, is bringing me something else: the importance of patience.

It all started with Mr. Doe Brown Eyes, a guy that had (and still has) me on the edge of my seat since 'hello'.  It was a wacky scenario. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl talked for the good first half of their time together which surprised girl. Girl only sporadically sees boy, even though they’re in the same major in a very small program. Boy potentially had a girlfriend. Boy did not have a girlfriend. Girl is very, very confused.

Honestly, at the beginning, I was frustrated. It seemed so simple! I wasn’t crazy about this hot and cold thing, and I was pretty sure that the hot and cold thing barely had anything to do with me. After feeling like it had been a lot of work on my part and very little on his, I decided to call it quits, and just wait it out for a while. The plan was to get him out of my system completely. At the time, it was possible he had a girlfriend and the plan was working… until I found out he didn’t. By that time, I was entertained by the possibility but quickly reminded myself not to get too wrapped up. Right now, especially at the beginning of my journey, the last thing I needed to do was emotionally entangle myself with someone that didn’t quite seem available yet – actually, emotionally, etc.

With Mr. Doe Brown Eyes, I’m learning how to patient. Now may not be a good time, which means all I can do is not get too attached, and wait for a better time. If there is no better time, that’s okay as well. Whether or not there is a right time for us romantically, I can't help but love the emotionally guarded. I'm not quite sure whether it's the appeal of the challenge or love to be that person for someone, but I somehow can't resist.

And Mr. Doe Brown Eyes is one guarded fella.

Until next time.

-- J